If you think that you have just one life, think again. There's the life you think you have, the life others think you have and the life you really have- three lives!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

The Caliphate and You...

In anticipation of the reestablishment of the Caliphate what better way to
prepare for that coming paradise than with a quick quiz to help one get
acclimated to the new rules? This test was sent to me by email.

1. When the Caliphate is established, it will be run by which nationality?
a. Nigerians
b. Pakistanis
c. Saudis
d. Egyptians

2. Under the Caliphate, slave markets will return to what city?
a. Mecca
b. Dar es-Salam
c. Cairo
d. All of the above

3. Under the Caliphate, a woman is free to marry which of the following?
a. any man she chooses
b. any man her father chooses
c. any man her brother chooses
d. any man who offers the most money to the family

4. A woman becoming Caliph will happen when which of the following occurs?
a. hell freezes over
b. the 12th imam returns
c. the 1200th imam returns
d. one week after never

5. During the Caliphate Inauguration, Nancy Ajram will be stoned in what
a. Beirut
b. Tripoli, Libya
c. Tripoli, Lebanon
d. Too close to call

6. During Caliphate Inauguration, Amr Khaled will be where?
a. Los Angeles
b. Las Vegas
c. Jet skiing in Sharm el-Sheik
d. Disneyworld

7. Under the Caliphate, South Asians in the Persian Gulf will be treated
a. like human beings
b. like Africans
c. somewhere between Africans and Jehovah’s Witnesses
d. the same.

8. With respect to Darfur, the Caliphate will do which of the following?
a. not a damn thing
b. not a Goddamned thing
c. a & b
d. b & a

9. Please complete the following: It will take Turkey ____ year(s) to seize
control of the Caliphate.
a. 5
b. 10
c. 0, they already control it
d. However long it takes but there is no way Pakistanis will be allowed to
call the shots. Maybe a Sudanese, but that’s it.

10. Life in a Sharia paradise is
a. totally awesome
b. awesome for women since they can be fully protected
c. like Mardi Gras without the booze, boobs, and music
d. pretty chill but only if you get to wear the black turban, otherwise it
ranks below a root canal in Kinshasa.

The answer key:
1. d
2. d
3. b, c, or d
4. c or d
5. c
6. c
7. c
8. d
9. d
10. a

The breakdown:
If you got 100% correct congrats you are officially Caliphate ready.
80-90% correct you have achieved zealous convert status.
60-70% correct you are licensed to work Jeddah, Dubai and Khartoum
30-50% correct you are kafir scum. Get away from here.
0-20% correct you had better pray brother.

I got a whopping 60% correct. Was hoping to get lower!


Anonymous said...

I got 60% too! But I just answered "d" to every question so maybe that's cheating :)

The Usual Suspect said...

Hey Craig
That's how I passed a lot of my Uni courses- just answer "d" and you have a one in four chance of getting it right.
This is not cheating. Indeed it is a very valid form of applying the laws of mathematics!