My son started shaving this week. Add to that the fact that he is at least 15 cm taller than me, wears a monstrous size 11 shoe and can stay up longer than me at night- it's official- he is now a man. Which makes me the mother of a man, which makes me old!
So what do I do now?
Do I start wearing purple?
Do I adjust my car seat so that I'm sitting up against the windscreen when I drive?
Do I abandon any hope of perfect abs and shapely arms and instead take pride in the way my upper arms flap in the wind when I wave goodbye?
Do I hang up my stilletos and start wearing ugly flat shoes?
Do I talk about "my day" as if it was 100 years ago?
Do I start carrying around one of those wheelie shopping bags with pink flowers on them?
Do I start wearing three layers of clothing even in the heat of summer so my kidneys won't catch cold?
Do I throw out my sexy lingerie and buy myself some nanna knickers in a sensible beige?
Do I take a belly dancing class so that I can get in touch with my inner vagina?
BUT WAIT... wait just a minute... I don't FEEL old...
I'm still in my thirties
I still have body issues
I still get pimples
I still check my butt and thighs in the mirror everymorning for cellulite
I still complain about how long it takes to do my hair and how much product I need to make it look decent
I still can't apply eyeshadow correctly
I still have at least 5 different mascaras in my makeup bag of which at least 2 are waaaay past their use by
I can still pass the pencil test ;) (ladies- you know what I'm talking about)
I still get hit on by foetuses (ie younger men)
I still catch up with the girls every Friday to talk about men and their appendages
So... when am I officially over the hill?
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11 comments:
Never :)
Or when you decide it, which should be, like I said never :)
I'm 36 years old and never felt better (i.e. still passing pencil test) :)))
Lidia
LOL, you're funny :)
I reckon you go over the hill when you decide you do. Me, I was born over it (like Lao Tze, aged 60)... so you're a foetus yourself ;)
You'll be old the day the world has nothing new to tech you.
BTW, I have an aunt who's supposed to be about 50 but she's 15 for all intents and purposes. S'all in the head :)
HH - hey, this means you never get old. Not fair! :)
You're a terrific writer, Suspect!
As for age, it's all relative. My boss of two years ago used to refer to me as "a young woman." She's in her sixties. I'm a mite older than Raccoon's young aunt! Don't worry about it. Wait until you're fifty and then you'll be entitled. :)
Peter
How embarrassment! I had no idea that men knew about the pencil test! Tell me- if the pencil stays is that considered a pass, or a fail???
Racoon
At times my mental age is pre-pubescent! Then I have to keep telling myself to act my age, not my shoe size!
Halalhippie
I like that. If I keep learning then I am never old, right!
anon and Bec
Thanks so much. Next time I spot a wrinkle, I won't fret too much!
What wrinkle...I'm terrible short sighted and I don’t see any wrinkles in my mirror. Actually, I don’t see much of anything, only my blurred face if I take my glasses of :)
Lilly
Ah then it is the opposite for women! If the pencil falls we pass- if it stays- that's a fail and we spend the rest of the week pining for the days when we our boobies were like the fembots'.
Lily
I like your reasoning!
Unfortunately I have perfect vision. I tried to cheat once on an eye test because I was really keen to get glasses as I thought they would make me look smarter and more sophisticated. The smarty smarty optometrist could tell I was lying about not being able to read the top line of the eye chart and put me to shame with a big long lecture about why I shouldn't wear glasses if I don't need them blah blah blah...
TUS - LOL about the glasses :)
You know there are 0-lens glasses, right? I use them sometimes for characters that I play.
And about the pensil test - I had to google it up. Quite interesting, really, especially the Wikipedia entry about the South African one.
About age - I think all sentient beings retain all the ages they were. It's a question of choice. You can be an old woman one moment and a little girl the next - why not?
After all, the 5 years old TUS did not vanish. She's also you.
I like being a young Raccoon kit sometimes :)
When I was a kid, I hate the fact that I'm blind like a bat. There were no advantages, but older I'm getting, it's a whole new world open to me; "well I could sware to God that the price was 200€, not 500€ darling...damn glasses, I need to get a new one"...In a few years from now, I'm thinking of getting "a little bit deaf" routine to my everyday life :)
Lilly
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