If you think that you have just one life, think again. There's the life you think you have, the life others think you have and the life you really have- three lives!

Monday, January 15, 2007

Getting Old

My son started shaving this week. Add to that the fact that he is at least 15 cm taller than me, wears a monstrous size 11 shoe and can stay up longer than me at night- it's official- he is now a man. Which makes me the mother of a man, which makes me old!

So what do I do now?

Do I start wearing purple?
Do I adjust my car seat so that I'm sitting up against the windscreen when I drive?
Do I abandon any hope of perfect abs and shapely arms and instead take pride in the way my upper arms flap in the wind when I wave goodbye?
Do I hang up my stilletos and start wearing ugly flat shoes?
Do I talk about "my day" as if it was 100 years ago?
Do I start carrying around one of those wheelie shopping bags with pink flowers on them?
Do I start wearing three layers of clothing even in the heat of summer so my kidneys won't catch cold?
Do I throw out my sexy lingerie and buy myself some nanna knickers in a sensible beige?
Do I take a belly dancing class so that I can get in touch with my inner vagina?

BUT WAIT... wait just a minute... I don't FEEL old...

I'm still in my thirties
I still have body issues
I still get pimples
I still check my butt and thighs in the mirror everymorning for cellulite
I still complain about how long it takes to do my hair and how much product I need to make it look decent
I still can't apply eyeshadow correctly
I still have at least 5 different mascaras in my makeup bag of which at least 2 are waaaay past their use by
I can still pass the pencil test ;) (ladies- you know what I'm talking about)
I still get hit on by foetuses (ie younger men)
I still catch up with the girls every Friday to talk about men and their appendages

So... when am I officially over the hill?


Anonymous said...

Never :)
Or when you decide it, which should be, like I said never :)

I'm 36 years old and never felt better (i.e. still passing pencil test) :)))


The Raccoon said...

LOL, you're funny :)

I reckon you go over the hill when you decide you do. Me, I was born over it (like Lao Tze, aged 60)... so you're a foetus yourself ;)

Egypeter said...


Oh, Suspect...you really are TOO funny :)

Age is a number. I'm 31 (actually 32 Jan. 23) going on 21. So the whole "age thing" doesn't mean a DAMN thing! You're obviously very young at heart and that's what matters, right?

And just for the record, guys do the 'pencil test' too to see how big their pectoral muscles get when they're working out...it's not just a female thing :)

Like I've said before, your boys are pretty lucky to have such an awesome and HIP mama...

Salaam ya gameela intee!

halalhippie said...

You'll be old the day the world has nothing new to tech you.

The Raccoon said...

BTW, I have an aunt who's supposed to be about 50 but she's 15 for all intents and purposes. S'all in the head :)

HH - hey, this means you never get old. Not fair! :)

Bec said...

You're a terrific writer, Suspect!

As for age, it's all relative. My boss of two years ago used to refer to me as "a young woman." She's in her sixties. I'm a mite older than Raccoon's young aunt! Don't worry about it. Wait until you're fifty and then you'll be entitled. :)

The Usual Suspect said...

How embarrassment! I had no idea that men knew about the pencil test! Tell me- if the pencil stays is that considered a pass, or a fail???

At times my mental age is pre-pubescent! Then I have to keep telling myself to act my age, not my shoe size!

I like that. If I keep learning then I am never old, right!

anon and Bec
Thanks so much. Next time I spot a wrinkle, I won't fret too much!

Anonymous said...

What wrinkle...I'm terrible short sighted and I don’t see any wrinkles in my mirror. Actually, I don’t see much of anything, only my blurred face if I take my glasses of :)


Egypeter said...

pass :)

The Usual Suspect said...

Ah then it is the opposite for women! If the pencil falls we pass- if it stays- that's a fail and we spend the rest of the week pining for the days when we our boobies were like the fembots'.

The Usual Suspect said...

I like your reasoning!
Unfortunately I have perfect vision. I tried to cheat once on an eye test because I was really keen to get glasses as I thought they would make me look smarter and more sophisticated. The smarty smarty optometrist could tell I was lying about not being able to read the top line of the eye chart and put me to shame with a big long lecture about why I shouldn't wear glasses if I don't need them blah blah blah...

The Raccoon said...

TUS - LOL about the glasses :)

You know there are 0-lens glasses, right? I use them sometimes for characters that I play.

And about the pensil test - I had to google it up. Quite interesting, really, especially the Wikipedia entry about the South African one.

About age - I think all sentient beings retain all the ages they were. It's a question of choice. You can be an old woman one moment and a little girl the next - why not?

After all, the 5 years old TUS did not vanish. She's also you.

I like being a young Raccoon kit sometimes :)

Anonymous said...

When I was a kid, I hate the fact that I'm blind like a bat. There were no advantages, but older I'm getting, it's a whole new world open to me; "well I could sware to God that the price was 200€, not 500€ darling...damn glasses, I need to get a new one"...In a few years from now, I'm thinking of getting "a little bit deaf" routine to my everyday life :)