If you think that you have just one life, think again. There's the life you think you have, the life others think you have and the life you really have- three lives!

Monday, January 01, 2007


Happy goodbye 2006 and hello 2007 to all.
Hope you have all prepared for the new year with your resolutions.

Here are mine. Add yours if you like.

1. I will be more organised

Not really, but I always add this resolution. OK I might tidy my desk or clear out my wardrobe to make room for new clothes but those things usually last a couple of weeks before chaos sets in again!

2. I will give up smoking

OK- not really. I'll certainly try. Last year I gave up for a full 5 weeks. Twice.

3. I will control my road rage when driving

Ummmm- not really. In fact, no, I don't see this one going anywhere at all to be honest

4. I will say "no" when my boss asks me to work overtime, work from home, work on my days off, answer emails while I'm on holiday, work late, come in early, look over a document sent to my email at midnight etc etc etc.

He's gonna cry...

5. I will stop my addiction to handfuls of chocolate covered peanuts after dinner

That one's gonna hurt- really hurt

6. I will not yell at my kids and I will try to treat my 16 year old like an adult

Yeah right!

7. I will spend less money on useless items. I do not need another pair of stilletos even if they do go just perfectly with my dress/handbag/skin/eyes/mobile phone/purse/lipstick/pen/curtains.

Another one that's gonna hurt.

8. I will try to spend more time with my family even if it means that I have to do yucky boys stuff with three smelly teenagers and my husband who think that driving a car round and round in a circle is fun or that hitting a tiny ball with a club and then trying to find it in a huge field while wearing ugly clothing is sport!

I don't know why we can't all just go shopping together, then maybe have a coffee before heading off to the beauty salon for a much needed facial. Why can't we do that as a family? Why does family stuff have to involve me having to wear ugly flat shoes?

9. I will be nicer to the dog.

I am nice to him but it's just that he smells and he does that licking his balls thing and then comes yapping around my feet and sniffs my crotch and stuff. And he shits everytime I take him for a walk and I have to pick it up and carry it around in a little bag like it's something precious.

10. I will seek help to overcome my fear of chickens.

Don't laugh- it's a documented phobia OK. Lots of people have it. Trust me, a chook will peck you to death if you let it and have absolutely no remorse. They are evil, evil I tells ya (except for the roasted ones- they're yummy).


Anonymous said...

3 Lives, I'd like to email you, but not on-post, could you mail me at katevwild@gmail.com for an off-blog conversation? It's about a doco I'm working on.
Happy New Year.

The Raccoon said...

LOL, you seem to be in a good mood :)

Quitting smoking for 5 weeks - twice? I envy you. I managed to quit for about 3 weeks with the aid of medicines.

7 - Hunams should only wear fatigues and good solid Aussie boots. Aussie hats in rain or too much sunshine. Anything else is a waste of money :)

8 - How about paintball? Or a LAN party? :)

Dogs are evil. They are just predators pretending to be nice until they can devour everyone. Hey, dont'cher know it's gonna be a canine that eats the moon and starts Ragnarok? :)

And fear of chickens? Are you serious? You can just step on them and they go "splat" when they try to peck you. I take it you never worked on a farm? Picking up chickens for slaughter is like a fowl Holocaust.

The Usual Suspect said...

Do not joke about chickens. You know phobias have an origin in experience- when I was 10 I was nearly killed by 3 hungry chickens who cornered me and were about to peck me to death had I not screamed and was rescued by my father who lured them away!

The boys have tried to convince me to do paintballing. I did however concede to go Laser Shooting. Nobody told me that I would have to get changed into army fatigues in front of everyone and I did not have appropriate underwear on- do you know how hard it is to get undressed and dressed while leaning on a wall???

The Raccoon said...

TUS - I know how bad phobias are. I am claustrophobic, and it's a major pain in the arse (especially in the army, when we were being bombed and had to spend days in underground bunkers).

Recently I picked up a fear of dogs - not quite phobia, but not something rational either. Happened right after two different pack of human-flesh-eating wild dogs tried to hunt me down.

The thing about chickens is... they are psychotic evil creatures, yes. But they also go splat when you step on them. AND they taste good. So it sort of balances out :)

"I did not have appropriate underwear on" LOL :)

Oh, cm'on, don't be such a princess... go painballing! It's fun, and well worth the bruises :)

The Usual Suspect said...

Fear of dogs hey? That's pretty apt for a racoon :)

You know what really gives me the heebee geebees?


WTF are clowns- they scare the shit out of me- just plain freaky!

kinzi said...

Um ?, do you have 3 boys? So do I, and I have a feeling you are telling my future...paintballing!!! AAHHHH! I was kinda hoping I'd be senile before they were teenagers, but it's not happening.

The Usual Suspect said...

Three boys! Welcome to my world dear friend!
Prepare yourself for a lifetime of smelly shoes and stinky underarms, dirty bedrooms, a home overtaken by computer games and gadgets of every variety, shopping for monstrously huge school shoes (my son has size 11 feet), having to explain why you can't go swimming while they snigger and giggle uncontrollably everytime you say the word 'period'- and, the girls- that's only just started but my friends keep telling me that my boys are so good looking that they'll be fighting off the girls soon enough.
God help us all. Heaven truly does lie at mothers' feet.

kinzi said...

I may have to learn how to link and write a post about 'my future according to 3 Lives!' thanks for the laugh to balance the cry in the latest post.